GOOD NIGHT, CAMBODIA

Day 29, April 19th

After the past two days here in Sihanoukville, our expectations are very low and there are no plans at all today.

I'll suffer through a sunburn for this.

My sunburn is still beyond painful and I am starting to get the water blisters everywhere.  Last night was another painful night spent trying to find a comfortable position and slowly peeling the sheets off of me.  It serves me right.

We are up a little later than usual.  The three of us head down to breakfast about mid morning.  Patton and I enjoy our usual grease with a side of eggs, under cooked bacon, toast, coffee and orange drink.  We’re convinced it is Tang mainly because it is crunchy.  Mom dines on a piece of toast and Lipton’s hot tea.  I don’t think she has had anything other than that for breakfast the entire time we have been traveling.

Over breakfast we discuss the upcoming plan of action.  Today is our last day here in Sihanoukville as well as our last day in Cambodia.

A few kids working.

Early tomorrow morning we leave by bus and arrive in Saigon, Vietnam sometime tomorrow night.  My guess is things will be suspect until we hit the border and then smooth sailing to Saigon.  If I remember correctly, the transportation system in Vietnam has its act together much better than Cambodia.  Nevertheless, we need to make sure we have enough snacks and water in case we go a long stretch without stopping.  Of course, the exact opposite is usually what happens and we stop way too much.  But, a good rule to follow when backpacking is to always have some food and water on you.  We need to inventory and stock up.

We also need to resolve the issue with the towel.  We have to pick it up today and turn it in to the front desk at the hotel.  I just hope that girl is there and not the dude.

After breakfast, we split up.  The kids head into town to check it out.  I again head to the beach.

I know, I know, I have a horrible sunburn and there is no reason I should be there.  And you are right.  But, instead of sprawling out like my manties-clad brethren from snorkeling the day before, I plan to slide under an umbrella and stay fully clothed.

Not a bad way to spend the day.

As I get down to the beach, it is noticeably quieter.  There are fewer tourists and fewer hawkers.  The Khmer New Year is completely over and most people have returned to the big cities.  And being so empty, there is a high demand for my business.  Every bar and restaurant has a few people outside trying to coax me into their beach chairs and under their umbrellas.  Naturally, I pick the place where the people put forth the least effort to secure my patronage.  My thinking is they will likely not hassle me when I eventually fall asleep.

It is a really beautiful day today.  A light breeze.  A bit cloudy.  The water is blue.  And no noise.  It is as if everyone woke up from a bad bender, and most probably did.  They are certainly doing their thing, but not with the same energy, just going through the motions.  The hawkers display their wares, but almost listlessly.  They hold them up, all I do is smile and they just keep on moving.  Quite nice indeed.

I pull out my ipod and tune in to a chill Café Del Mar medley, lay back and watch time crawl by.

My new friend.

A couple of naps, a few mango smoothies, several Tiger beers and one plate of french fries later and it is about time to pack up and head back.  As I am about to go, a couple of kids come up and start chatting me up.  They hold up their bracelets for sale and I lazily look at them.  A couple of them are interesting.  The kids aren’t selling hard, they are just bored and we do less business and more talking.

While we are talking, I see the foul-mouthed girl from two days ago turning up the heat on a group of Sihanoukville newbies.  She gives them a right nice welcome and tells them to, “Go back to your F*#@!%G country!”  I’m guessing they didn’t buy either.

I get a couple of skull and crossbones bracelets for two special Hellions from my new friends and I mosey on out of there.  I feel pretty damn relaxed.

I link up with the kids and we go grab the towel from the laundry service.  Imagine that, no blue stains.  Well, at least barely noticeable blue stains.

So soft.

So refreshing. 

We head to a nice dinner across the street from our hotel.  American food.  Certainly a nice break from what we have been eating.  During dinner, mom walks back to our hotel lobby to call home.  Ironically, while our hotel will charge you $8 for a stained towel, they will let you call back to the United States for free.  Mom calls PaPa and wishes him a happy 86^th birthday.  She says he and MaMa still can’t believe we are on this trip and are more amazed that we extended it.  A few desserts.  Coffee.  The check.

As we head through the lobby, I stop off and turn in the towel at the front desk.  The kids continue up to their room and let me handle it.  The girl is there.  Towel issue settled.

In my room, I sit out on the balcony and overlook the boardwalk by the beach.  It’s quiet.  The town is quiet.  The sky is quiet.  The night is quiet.  This is exactly what I needed.  Completely relaxing.

Oh wait, I just remembered, I still have this EXCRUCIATING sunburn.

Not exactly relaxingly yours,

Tang

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THE FRENCHMAN’S CODPIECE AND AN EXTRA GLAND

Day 28, April 18th

OOUUCCHH!!!!!!!

All of last night was spent peeling the sheets off of my aloe vera sticky sunburned skin and trying to find a position in bed that wasn't completely excruciating. Thankfully, I switched to my own room last night and was able to deal with the pain without keeping the kids awake.  Huge mistake yesterday not putting on ANY sunscreen.  That philosophy of getting a good first sunburn to start off a tan is a load of crap.  Even a cold shower hurts.  I feel sick.  I want to throw up.  My head is pounding.  I want to pass out.  This sucks.

Part of the armada.

Today is suppose to be a relaxing and enjoyable day.  It isn't likely with this sunburn, but at least most of it will be spent in the water and I will have on a rash shirt and a hat.  Today we are going on a snorkeling tour.

We are up early and down to the beach.  We get a free breakfast with the snorkeling tour and a free breakfast means, small and not very good.  This breakfast is just French bread and coffee.  I hope this isn't an omen of things to come.

Our tour only has 8 people.  Two couples.  One single guy.  Me and the kids.  Then there is the "captain" and "1st mate."  They are basically kids that know how to drive the boat and cook the food when we get to the island.

We leave the beach at 8:30 and as we head to the first snorkeling spot, I notice five other boats heading in the same direction.  It is one giant snorkeling armada.  Obviously, there will be no isolated moments and unique experiences on this tour. 

Covered like a 3-year-old.

We get to the first snorkeling spot and we all start getting ready to hop in the water.  Among the two couples, one is a Frenchman in board shorts and his Khmer "girlfriend."  Nothing odd or uncomfortable about that.  We have seen that many times.  BUT, all of a sudden she wraps him up in a towel and he does some Houdini magic trick like a girl taking off her bra without taking off her shirt and emerges from the towel in a tight nut-hugger!!  I mean, this is a codpiece the size that would make a superhero blush.  Now she's lathering the sunscreen on him.  When I say she is thorough, I mean THOROUGH.  She's putting sunblock in places the sun will never get to without some strategically placed mirrors and a well executed downward dog.  This is so intimate, I feel like I need a soft cuddle now.

The 1st mate brings out a box of snorkels and masks, no fins.  This is already suspect.  I grab one and give it a go.  I am stoked that I get to finally use my underwater camera.  Dad and I hop in the water.  He takes off.  I'm trying to put everything on.  I think I have it.  I'm off.  This feels good.  The water is cold.  Just floating around.  Slowly swi…crap.  My mask is leaking.  I can't stop it or seal it.  I need a new one.  By the time I look back at the boat and head back in that direction, everyone else is already in the boat and done snorkeling.  Huh?  Even dad is done.  He isn't enjoying it.  I try a few other masks.  They don't work.  I toss my camera in the boat, climb back in and try to find a mask that works.  Even the captain is getting nervous because he can tell I am frustrated.  I think I finally have a good mask, strap it on, hop in the water and start snork…..it breaks.  Worthless.  I throw it back in the boat.  I am pissed.  Everyone can tell.  Especially our guides.

Trying out ANOTHER mask.

I climb back in the boat and head back to where the kids are and where our seats ar….SMACK!!!  A shooting pain fills my head and my eyes start to water.  I look up and there is a cross board that I didn't duck under enough.  Everyone in the boat goes silent.  A few quietly ask if I am OK.  I am more angry about the snorkeling than I am the cut on my head.  I turn to dad and ask if I am bleeding.  He says not really, and then the blood begins to pool on my head.  So I sit there with a towel pressed to my bleeding, sunburned head.

Everyone is done snorkeling and we all just sit silently in the boat.  We look around at the other five boats in the armada.  They are all empty because everyone is in the water having a great time.  We picked the wrong tour.

Finally, we raise anchor and head to the second snorkeling spot. 

This isn't a snorkeling spot.  It's an island.  They just slide up on shore and park the boat for most of the tour.  We have the option to snorkel, lay on the beach or explore the island.  Snorkeling here really isn't an option since the water is waist deep.  Typical tour.

We hang out at the main beach for a bit and eat lunch.  After we explore the island for about an hour, we load up and head to the third snorkeling spot.

The island.

Again, all five boats head out in the same direction, at the same time and park at the same spot. Again, everyone on the other tours jump in the water.  Our boat…..parked right on top of jellyfish. Not, just one or two. We see more than fifteen jellyfish. Not small jellyfish. These are the size of basketballs or bigger. This is ridiculous. Everyone asks the tour guides to take us to another place. These kids aren't having it. Their job is to drive the boat and park it in specific places on a specific timeline and then return to the main beach.  They aren't into customer service.  They are too young.

For once, Patton is chill.  It is what it is.  I am even more pissed than before.  I really want to get in that water, but I have no desire to dodge jellyfish.  Mom has some nervous energy.  She feels for these kids cause she can tell there is about to be a mutiny.

Finally, everyone says screw it and we head back to the main beach early.

The chefs.

What a crappy tour this turned out to be.  Horrible breakfast.  Crappy snorkeling equipment.  A huge cut across my head.  Jellyfish infested water.  And now the Frenchman is sprawled out, laid back, legs spread and getting a tan with his bits and pieces outlined in his man-panties and looking right at me.  As crappy as this day was, I'm trying not to laugh cause mom is trying to discretely, but not so discretely, take pictures with the Frenchman's…umm…French bread and manties.  I need to get off of this boat.

When we got back to the hotel, the kids' room is being cleaned so they come up to my room to hang out.  We haven't been in there long and there is a knock at the door.  I open it to find the hotel manager, the head of house keeping and security all standing there holding a towel.  The manager tells me that there are light blue stains on the towel, the towel was found in my room, therefore I must be responsible for the stains and will be charged $8.  Huh?  Are you serious?  Yes, he is very serious.  They all are.  We are informed that we will be charged for ALL stains.

Bleeding finally stops.

This feels like a scam.  I am irritated, mom is livid and dad is chill.  Mom heads out of the room to talk to the manager and gives him the what for.  Unfortunately, to no avail.  He informs us that we can wash it ourselves or pay to have it washed.  Either way, we are responsible.  Mom inquires about how they know I caused the stains.  The manager says because the cleaning lady found my damp towel laid out across the couch and that is where the blue stain came from. The couch is brown and orange.  This is a very poorly executed scam. 

Once they all leave, I go through the sheets and towels and find a few small stains.  Stains that I don't care about, but stains they will likely charge me for.  So, I go down to the front desk to speak to the manager and show him the stains so we won't be charged for them.  He won't even look at me.  He sends one of the girls up to look at the stains.  On the way up, I explain the situation to her cause she wasn't there for the initial confrontation.  She informs me that she is Cambodian but from America and understands my frustration.

Close up of the manties. 

Wide shot.

By the time we get up to my room, the head of house keeping and security are waiting for us.  These stains apparently need a thorough going over.  They all discuss and argue for a while.  I again explain the situation about the towel and the stains to the girl and I can tell she is embarrassed.  I said, "We are spending $240 at your hotel and you are charging us $8 for a blue stain on a white towel that came from an orange and brown couch."  She said, "I know."  I told her that if people are treated this way they will tell others and this hotel will end up losing thousands of dollars just to get $8 back.  She said, "I know."  I asked her if the owners of the hotel cared.  She said, "Nope."  The owners have apparently scared all of the employees and forced them to handle the situations this way.  Of course, the owners are out of the country during all of this.   

She explains the reason for the strict rules on stains is because, with the hotel only being a couple of months old, they have already had thousands of problems with westerners bringing their Khmer "girlfriends" to the rooms and getting stains everywhere.  WAIT A MINUTE!!  Was I just politely accused of having untidy dalliances with local hookers??  The girl just shrugs her shoulders.  And I don't have an anatomy degree or any type of research to back this up, but unless Khmer girls have an extra gland that produces a blue secretion, I would assume the stain a hooker and her drunk John can produce would be the same stain that a married couple from the west would produce.  This is beyond stupid.

The girl is really cool and said to bring the cleaned towel to her and not to worry about any of the stains.  Good enough for me.  I am in too much pain to care any longer.

Another aloe vera bath and this day is done.

Gonna have a scarly yours,

NOT A John

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