OOUUCCHH!!!!!!!
All of last night was spent peeling the sheets off of my aloe vera sticky sunburned skin and trying to find a position in bed that wasn't completely excruciating. Thankfully, I switched to my own room last night and was able to deal with the pain without keeping the kids awake. Huge mistake yesterday not putting on ANY sunscreen. That philosophy of getting a good first sunburn to start off a tan is a load of crap. Even a cold shower hurts. I feel sick. I want to throw up. My head is pounding. I want to pass out. This sucks.
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| Part of the armada. |
We are up early and down to the beach. We get a free breakfast with the snorkeling tour and a free breakfast means, small and not very good. This breakfast is just French bread and coffee. I hope this isn't an omen of things to come.
Our tour only has 8 people. Two couples. One single guy. Me and the kids. Then there is the "captain" and "1st mate." They are basically kids that know how to drive the boat and cook the food when we get to the island.
We leave the beach at 8:30 and as we head to the first snorkeling spot, I notice five other boats heading in the same direction. It is one giant snorkeling armada. Obviously, there will be no isolated moments and unique experiences on this tour.
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| Covered like a 3-year-old. |
The 1st mate brings out a box of snorkels and masks, no fins. This is already suspect. I grab one and give it a go. I am stoked that I get to finally use my underwater camera. Dad and I hop in the water. He takes off. I'm trying to put everything on. I think I have it. I'm off. This feels good. The water is cold. Just floating around. Slowly swi…crap. My mask is leaking. I can't stop it or seal it. I need a new one. By the time I look back at the boat and head back in that direction, everyone else is already in the boat and done snorkeling. Huh? Even dad is done. He isn't enjoying it. I try a few other masks. They don't work. I toss my camera in the boat, climb back in and try to find a mask that works. Even the captain is getting nervous because he can tell I am frustrated. I think I finally have a good mask, strap it on, hop in the water and start snork…..it breaks. Worthless. I throw it back in the boat. I am pissed. Everyone can tell. Especially our guides.
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| Trying out ANOTHER mask. |
Everyone is done snorkeling and we all just sit silently in the boat. We look around at the other five boats in the armada. They are all empty because everyone is in the water having a great time. We picked the wrong tour.
Finally, we raise anchor and head to the second snorkeling spot.
This isn't a snorkeling spot. It's an island. They just slide up on shore and park the boat for most of the tour. We have the option to snorkel, lay on the beach or explore the island. Snorkeling here really isn't an option since the water is waist deep. Typical tour.
We hang out at the main beach for a bit and eat lunch. After we explore the island for about an hour, we load up and head to the third snorkeling spot.
Once they all leave, I go through the sheets and towels and find a few small stains. Stains that I don't care about, but stains they will likely charge me for. So, I go down to the front desk to speak to the manager and show him the stains so we won't be charged for them. He won't even look at me. He sends one of the girls up to look at the stains. On the way up, I explain the situation to her cause she wasn't there for the initial confrontation. She informs me that she is Cambodian but from America and understands my frustration.
By the time we get up to my room, the head of house keeping and security are waiting for us. These stains apparently need a thorough going over. They all discuss and argue for a while. I again explain the situation about the towel and the stains to the girl and I can tell she is embarrassed. I said, "We are spending $240 at your hotel and you are charging us $8 for a blue stain on a white towel that came from an orange and brown couch." She said, "I know." I told her that if people are treated this way they will tell others and this hotel will end up losing thousands of dollars just to get $8 back. She said, "I know." I asked her if the owners of the hotel cared. She said, "Nope." The owners have apparently scared all of the employees and forced them to handle the situations this way. Of course, the owners are out of the country during all of this.
She explains the reason for the strict rules on stains is because, with the hotel only being a couple of months old, they have already had thousands of problems with westerners bringing their Khmer "girlfriends" to the rooms and getting stains everywhere. WAIT A MINUTE!! Was I just politely accused of having untidy dalliances with local hookers?? The girl just shrugs her shoulders. And I don't have an anatomy degree or any type of research to back this up, but unless Khmer girls have an extra gland that produces a blue secretion, I would assume the stain a hooker and her drunk John can produce would be the same stain that a married couple from the west would produce. This is beyond stupid.
We hang out at the main beach for a bit and eat lunch. After we explore the island for about an hour, we load up and head to the third snorkeling spot.
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| The island. |
Again, all five boats head out in the same direction, at the same time and park at the same spot. Again, everyone on the other tours jump in the water. Our boat…..parked right on top of jellyfish. Not, just one or two. We see more than fifteen jellyfish. Not small jellyfish. These are the size of basketballs or bigger. This is ridiculous. Everyone asks the tour guides to take us to another place. These kids aren't having it. Their job is to drive the boat and park it in specific places on a specific timeline and then return to the main beach. They aren't into customer service. They are too young.
For once, Patton is chill. It is what it is. I am even more pissed than before. I really want to get in that water, but I have no desire to dodge jellyfish. Mom has some nervous energy. She feels for these kids cause she can tell there is about to be a mutiny.
Finally, everyone says screw it and we head back to the main beach early.
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| The chefs. |
What a crappy tour this turned out to be. Horrible breakfast. Crappy snorkeling equipment. A huge cut across my head. Jellyfish infested water. And now the Frenchman is sprawled out, laid back, legs spread and getting a tan with his bits and pieces outlined in his man-panties and looking right at me. As crappy as this day was, I'm trying not to laugh cause mom is trying to discretely, but not so discretely, take pictures with the Frenchman's…umm…French bread and manties. I need to get off of this boat.
When we got back to the hotel, the kids' room is being cleaned so they come up to my room to hang out. We haven't been in there long and there is a knock at the door. I open it to find the hotel manager, the head of house keeping and security all standing there holding a towel. The manager tells me that there are light blue stains on the towel, the towel was found in my room, therefore I must be responsible for the stains and will be charged $8. Huh? Are you serious? Yes, he is very serious. They all are. We are informed that we will be charged for ALL stains.
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| Bleeding finally stops. |
This feels like a scam. I am irritated, mom is livid and dad is chill. Mom heads out of the room to talk to the manager and gives him the what for. Unfortunately, to no avail. He informs us that we can wash it ourselves or pay to have it washed. Either way, we are responsible. Mom inquires about how they know I caused the stains. The manager says because the cleaning lady found my damp towel laid out across the couch and that is where the blue stain came from. The couch is brown and orange. This is a very poorly executed scam.
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| Close up of the manties. |
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| Wide shot. |
She explains the reason for the strict rules on stains is because, with the hotel only being a couple of months old, they have already had thousands of problems with westerners bringing their Khmer "girlfriends" to the rooms and getting stains everywhere. WAIT A MINUTE!! Was I just politely accused of having untidy dalliances with local hookers?? The girl just shrugs her shoulders. And I don't have an anatomy degree or any type of research to back this up, but unless Khmer girls have an extra gland that produces a blue secretion, I would assume the stain a hooker and her drunk John can produce would be the same stain that a married couple from the west would produce. This is beyond stupid.
The girl is really cool and said to bring the cleaned towel to her and not to worry about any of the stains. Good enough for me. I am in too much pain to care any longer.
Another aloe vera bath and this day is done.
Gonna have a scarly yours,
NOT A John
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