A LEADER OF MEN

Day 27, April 17^th

We aren’t moving too fast this morning.  No need to.  I have already laid out the plans for the day and there is no need to rush.  Breakfast.  Beach.  Dinner.  Done.  That’s right, I said beach.

Ahhhh, yessss.  The Beach.  After the past couple of weeks in the cities, I am more than ready for the white sands and blue waters of the coast.

A pretty good view.

I know, the name Cambodia doesn’t exactly elicit thoughts of umbrella-dotted beaches and lazy days listening to the waves crawl up the sand and roll back out to sea.  Believe me, you are missing out.  Sihanoukville is just that, a beach town.  This is one of the more picturesque beaches I have seen.

Just above the row of water-front umbrellas lies restaurant after restaurant ready to bring you anything you desire from a Tiger beer to a mango smoothie to fresh grilled seafood.  I’m gonna dig this.

We make it down to one of the beach side restaurants for a quick breakfast.  It’s the usual.  I gotta say, frying eggs is not their thing here.  It always comes drenched in grease.  Literally.  When we first arrived in Southeast Asia the kids were ordering like it was an I-HOP and giving specifics about how the eggs should be prepared.  Over easy.  A little runny.  Not too hard.  Confusion.

They know two things when it comes to eggs on a western breakfast here.  Fried or scrambled.  And if it is fried, that basically means the eggs are going skinny dipping in a vat of grease and not drying off when they get out.  They will literally slide across your plate there is so much grease.  One full month starting off each day with a plate of grease and a side of egg has an effect.  It wreaks havoc on your digestive system.  I’ll leave it at that.

Grease ingested.  Coffee consumed.  Beach time.

We find a couple of umbrellas with lounges and set up camp.  With the Khmer New Year just ending, this place is quiet.  Hardly anyone out here.  Perfect.

An even better one.

I can’t say this enough, you hear Cambodia and you think jungle, war, Black Panther Beer, Angelina Jolie’s son.  You think anything BUT beach.

However, the sun is out.  The blue sky is gently dotted with a few clouds.  The sand is white.  The breeze is soft.  And the water from the Gulf of Thailand is cool.  This is what you want when you dream of that beach getaway.

I easily settle into relaxing.

Mom, easily settles in to relaxing.

Dad, he’s a good sport and gives it a try.

There is no escaping them.

We order up some fresh fruit smoothies and lay back and enjoy.  I toss on my ipod, scroll to Jack Johnson and close my eyes to relax.  This is absolute heave…EXCUSE ME MISSA, You buy bracelet from me?  Foot massage?  Very hairy chest missa, I fix for you?  Shrimp?  Fresh fruit?  Remember me for later, OK?  You buy from me later, OK?  We friends now!

This SUCKS!!

The beach hawkers are everywhere and relentless.  Selling everything.  But they don’t make the hard sell this early in the day.  It’s more of an introduction, a meet and greet, if you will.  The best thing to do this early is to just say ‘no’ unless you see something you want to buy right then. 

Mom commits the cardinal sin in interacting with hawkers while lounging.  She doesn’t say “no.”  She says “maybe later.”  “Maybe later” is basically a contract to them.  And make no mistake about it, they will be back to collect.  A couple of the hawkers, kids mostly, even throw out the pinky swear.  They know the routine and they are very good at it.

Not too long after the hawkers leave, Patton gets restless.  He often does when we are relaxing and we knew this would happen.  He heads off and walks up and down the beach.  Very little relaxing for him.

A young girl giving mom the hard sell.

The rest of the morning and early after noon is spent lounging, dipping in the ocean, flipping over and back over, an occasional massage, a few purchases from the hawkers, several mango smoothies and MANY refusals to have my chest hair threaded.  I don’t know why, but they wouldn’t let that one go.  Believe me, I’m no Magnum P.I., but they kept wanting to “fix” it.  Every time I said no, they would ask about my head.  Where did you leave your hair, missa?  I left it in my 20s.  Thanks for reminding me.  So much for relaxing.

As early afternoon approaches, the hawkers realize it is time for the hard sell.  The sun will be going down, people will be heading off to dinner and they need to close the deal now. 

About that time, Patton returns from his trek.  I would like to take this opportunity to say how much I admire Patton.  This guy is genuinely amazing.  The things he has accomplished in life constantly astound me.  The places he has taken our family to live.  Germany.  Saudi Arabia.  The places he has traveled solo to work.  Sudan.  Kuwait.  And all of the stuff he has done in recent years in Iraq and Afghanistan in helping to rebuild those countries.  He is always calm.  Collected.  Calculated.  He is truly a leader of men.  Always has everything under control. 

Except…

…when he is surrounded by several six-year-old beach hawkers shoving bracelets in his face and another lady giving him a “trial foot massage.”  He is squirming more than a tweener at a Justin Beiber concert.  This is funny.

Moving in on Patton.

All I can hear is …NO, I don’t want a massa.  Kevin!  NO, I don’t want any bracelets.  Kevin!!  Quit touching my feet!  NO, I don’t want any bracelets!  Kevin!!  Make them go away!!  NO, I don’t want any.  KEVIN!!  Pay them a dollar to leave me alone!!

I could help him out, I guess.  But, this is an extremely refreshing mango smoothie and I certainly don’t want to get in the way of him experiencing the local culture.  He can take care of himself.

A leader of men indeed. 

Once the hawkers finally split, the kids load up their stuff and head back to the hotel room.  I choose to take in a bit more sun while I can.  Bad call on my part.  A combination of bad decision-making and laziness have led to the worst sunburn I have ever had.  I have been out here for about 5-6 hours…and no sunscreen.  My initial thinking was I needed to start with a decent burn.  Once I realized I was too burned, I was too lazy to put on sunscreen or to get up and leave.  I think I am going to pay dearly for this.

Finally, I am ready to head back to the room and get ready for dinner.  But, I spot a hair band I want from one of the hawkers.  No, it isn’t for me.  The girl doesn’t have the color I want, so she sits there and makes a new one for me.

While she is making it a bunch of other kids come to chat and try to sell stuff to me.

The trolley.

One young girl in particular is upset.  Apparently, she feels that she and I are “friends” from this morning and I should be buying from her.  But I didn’t make “friends” this morning.  Great.  Now the tears are coming.  I try to chat with her and be playful.  She says I promised to buy.  I say I didn’t promise.  And then the switch flips and she hits me with it.  “I don’t want your f____n promises.  I want your money.”

WHAT?!?!

I don’t even have a response to that.  Now I’m dealing with a 6-year-old Andrew Dice Clay?  She is pissed!  That’s my cue.  I’m just gonna get the hair band and head back to the hotel.  Of course, she doesn’t let me leave without one last parting shot.  She tells me, “go back to your f____n country.”

They certainly master English at a really young age here.

My sunburn is killing me, but it is time to head out to dinner.  I heard about a restaurant, Chez Claude, that is a quick drive beyond the beach area that has great food and a trolley ride to the front door.  Sounds interesting.

That is a painful sunburn.

When we get there, we quickly understand why the trolley ride is one of the main attractions.  The trolley is raised up and down the steep incline by a farm tractor.

We must be the first ones there cause no one is manning the trolley.  The place doesn’t even look open.  Eventually, an old man walks out and after a few gestures and pointing we load up in the trolley and the tractor groans to life.  Surprisingly, a smooth ride.

The food is pretty good.  The sunset is beautiful.  But my sunburn is insufferable.  Time to head back to the hotel, bathe in aloe vera and spend the rest of the night regretting not putting on sunscreen.

Sunny side uply yours,

Higgins

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